On Being Single in Polygamy

Unless you’re living with your cowife (wives), being in polygamy is actually a case of living two lives: one as a married person and the other as a singleton. This may sound negative, but when looked at with a certain attitude, I think you can get the best of both worlds.

Monogamy sits somewhere in the middle, and one could say, on the fence is a pretty boring place to be (if you let it). And being in polygamy can be a dark place to be – if you let it.

So who wants to be single? Plenty of us made a huge effort to find a partner and now you’re talking about enjoying some spinster-like state?!

Being on your own on certain nights, for many, is a new thing. Maybe some women have never had their double bed to themselves since they were married. This change – and all change is scary – can be too much for many women, especially because their husband has chosen to be away from them.

But if this is your situation and you want to stay with your husband, there has to be a way up and out of the dark hole of negativity. Polygamy forces you to be happy with your own company, forces you out of the thinking I am so and so’s wife and rather, I am me and I am going to achieve X,Y,Z. Force is a strong word, but if something breaks down the barriers restricting you discovering your potential, maybe it is necessary, like being offered food you’d always thought you’d hate and finding you actually quite like it, as you are forced to eat it out of courtesy.

Of course being in polygamy isn’t the only path to finding happiness in yourself, but when you see this positive aspect, it can help neutralize the acidity of the negative feelings that may bubble up about polygamy.

Do you realize how much time you spend on doing things for your husband? Quite a few hours no doubt, and however much you love to be there for him, you’ll now have that extra time for things for YOU. Just not expending the mental energy of whether you’ve soaked the rice or coordinating your schedule with him instead of doing things when you want, frees you up.

One sister said to me that as I’m in polygamy, I’d still be getting the same reward of being a good spouse but with half the work involved as it is shared with the other wife.

And one, l’m afraid less pleasant, side-effect that may be necessary: being used to being single I hope will cushion the blow a teeny bit if you ever lose your spouse before they lose you, either through death or divorce. We can pray these things never happen, but being strong in yourself and not reliant on someone else entirely for your happiness can only be a good thing.

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