The roller coaster of emotions when you find out you are in polygamy, or even if you were informed, would probably not pass health and safety inspections if a theme park were to ever install it – the Gs are just too much.
But even once starting to be settled into polygamy, or if in it willingly either as a second (or third or fourth) wife, or if you actually encouraged your husband to take another wife, the roller coaster is still there, but this time may pass those inspections. You can be smiling, teeth dazzling any onlooker, like those women in the polygamy shows on TV who seem too happy in their situation, and then the next day, a completely grumpy mess of emotions and wanting to run away (again) from it all.
Why is this?
I am sure there are lots of reasons, and here are just some ideas of mine which might resonate with you:
Everything in life, be it our relationship with our kids, our jobs, our health – it is not static. There is always change, and this is part of what makes life interesting as well as challenging. Without the lows we wouldn’t experience the highs as, well, highs. And Allah (SWT) hasn’t given us this life as a game, nor can we expect Jannah on this earth. Allah (SWT) gives us the good and bad times so we can see how we react; do we get that soft buzz of sabr or do we lose it and seek taubah? All are chances for growth. If everything were a bed of roses, all that would grow would be the roses.
Dealing with jealousy
So as time has gone past, and I am having one of those moments/hours/days of finding everything and anything jealousy-inducing, I know to acknowledge the jealousy, back off, seek refuge with Allah (SWT) and follow the adage that silence is golden. And soon thereafter, those negative feelings do disappear, and rather than doing or saying something I’d regret, I just get on with life. Maybe read a book, watch a video, or write in my journal. Of course, this isn’t always how things play out and over-communicating my thoughts ends up sinking the day to even lower depths.
But verily after difficulty is relief! And so the roller coaster, the ups and downs of life, will continue.
So to husbands getting confused by their wives’ reactions or moods, especially towards polygamy, please give them some slack. Have some patience, just like how many people advise the wives. Your wife may be totally happy with being in polygamy, or may even be amused at your jokes about having more wives and even joke back, but sometimes they may get triggered, they may have some other issues going on, or maybe there’s no particular reason at all.
Logically, there may be a stable attitude to everything to do with polygamy for a woman: more chance for me-time, maybe help with the kids, companionship with another sister, less responsibilities for the same amount of blessings of being a wife, absence making the relationship stronger as well as the heart fonder and the list goes on. But emotionally there is a yo yo bouncing up and down in the background for many women. Please be patient and wait for the yo yo to rise, gracefully, back up.