It has been so long since I wrote here – I have just had so much else on my plate recently (nothing to do with polygamy I might add!) that I have had to prioritise. But I know some of the readers, like it was for myself, have a hard time finding useful and supportive articles when they suddenly find themselves in polygamy.
So I thought I’d share some useful tidbits from a co-wife coach Mecca Bey for those experiencing polygamy (polygyny) for the first time on how to cross the bridge from despair about being in polygamy to being at peace and acceptance of the situation.
“So there are going to be stages of adjustments that you’re going to go through.
1) The Newness of it all:
This is the stage you’re at now. You battle back and forth with your emotions like a crazy person. We all have. It’s the battle and the struggles of your nafs. What you know is right and ok and what you want and don’t want to happen.
2) Scattagory mind: once they are married and that first night come – your brain will be jumping and scattering your thoughts all over the place. Thinking about the what’s, how’s, where’s, and whys of it all. You will drive yourself into multiple episodes of “as I cry the night away”. You may even watch your phone with hopes of at least a text for some validation of him thinking of you. This period could possibly last for a few weeks. Maybe even 2 months. It all depends on you and your will to move pass this point.
3) Growing Pains: once you have gotten use to the rotation of things and your emotional roller coaster is over – you have a certain balance of how to handle things within. There may come a time where you’ll have a moment here or there – but you’re able to get through it a little better than before.
As for your mind is playing tricks on you – think of Suratul Nas….it speaks about the Whisperer who whispers into the heart of mankind. It speaks to your weakness and you’re giving it “life” by allowing it to disrupt your life. You said you didn’t act this way before he mentioned polygyny and now that polygyny is your possible reality (something you possibly never even considered to be apart of your reality) you are going through the motions of your emotions. You are NOT being replaced…. You are NOT less of a woman, wife, friend, lover, and companion to him. You ARE a beautiful strong comforting wife who loves her Lord, Herself, and her family. You have to address the reason why you’re feeling this way. And NO it’s not because he’s taking on another wife. It’s deeper than that – trust me.”